My neck is stiff, my left shoulder trying to lock up as I type. In just a few minutes I’ll need to shower and get ready for our day of family, food, and fellowship. My emotions are raw and I don’t feel at all like clicking away on the keyboard.

I would’ve preferred to post just the right picture of my family and another short list from the many reasons why I’m thankful this holiday season. There truly are many. But that doesn’t mean I’m always thankful. I have to remind myself daily that giving thanks in every single thing really is the key that unlocks joy. They go hand in hand.

But some days I am short and fuss over crumbs and messes. I talk loudly and rush through the day. Some days I tuck my youngest daughter and my grandson in bed and stay up late in the quiet pondering where I went wrong. I want to wake them, wake up the whole house, hug them and remind them that I love them. On those days I usually just cry although I may cover them in kisses while they sleep. And then I soak up grace I’ll never deserve.

We so often paint the picture of what we want others to see. But our lives aren’t always Pinteresting.

Today, I am reminded that I must choose. Circumstances are not always conducive to happiness. But I can choose thanks and in so doing, choose joy. I don’t always get it right. But for today, for this moment and hopefully for the moments to come, I forget those things behind me, those fits thrown over squabbling kids, whining and tantrums, messes and crumbs. I will choose beyond the ache of my daughter’s absence to push through the emotion and be thankful in spite of it.

I’m thankful for her sacrifice that allows me to have freedom to celebrate this holiday. I’m thankful for heating pads for achy muscles. I’m thankful for coffee, and YES! for caffeine! I’m thankful that I have the choice of interrupting only one of few holidays together that families have, to join the madness of shopping if I so choose. I’m thankful for stents and even blood splattered bed sheets that need washing yet again; for the blood thinners that contribute to those splatters. They mean that my husband still sleeps next to me; his heart still beats.

I’m thankful for adult daughters cooking with their friends, choosing to get together on a holiday’s eve to celebrate. Families don’t always make the effort and take the time to do this. I’m thankful for the noise of a daughter and a grandson playing and even squabbling. Some homes are void of noise. I’m thankful for the grace that covers me when the moments are lost on me and I lose my cool. Grace calms the soul. Guilt never, ever could.

I’m choosing thanks today. It is indeed a choice. It is a gift. Give thanks. 

It doesn’t mean our lives are perfect. It doesn’t mean we are pretending. It’s a conscious effort to choose be thankful. Whether you’re emotionally spent or financially bankrupt, you still have something to give. In spite of anger, absence, or even loss, you can give. In the midst of physical pain and deep sorrow; when the family isn’t together on yet another holiday, you can still give. Even when you look into the eyes of your niece or nephew and your heart aches so badly you are sure it will split right in two—you can give.

Thanks is a gift. And yes, it can be spoken, it can be expressed, it can even be felt although it doesn’t have to be to speak it . . . all in spite of your circumstances. Choose to give. There is joy waiting on the other side of that gift.

Give thanks. In everything today. Expect challenges. Make the choice. Just do it.

And then, unwrap the joy!

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18