Before the turn of 2018, expectation was rising deep within me. Long awaited breakthroughs have been anticipated and I’ve sensed it on the horizon. Yet, for our family, 2018 carried with its arrival great tragedy and ushered in anguish unlike we have ever known when we lost our Jessie James, my great-nephew, on Saturday, January 6.

Astoundingly, woven throughout this season has been a tapestry of grace and beauty revealing promise and restoring hope. The day following Jessie’s passing, a friend of the family and Sister in Christ, Myrna, shared this with my sister Ginger:

I need to tell you something. I told my parents what happened to Jesse and my mom told me that two nights ago when she was praying, she had already said, ‘Amen,’ but she was heavily prompted to pray again; it came to her to pray specifically for those who would be in an accident. She prayed for protection and also that God would prepare their hearts. I just wanted to let you know. May the Lord be so near to you all at this time. I know He has promised to comfort those who mourn and be a shelter in times of the storm.

The days following carried reflections regarding that night and early morning hours of loss. Many of us had fitful sleep; yet each shared that we hadn’t sensed a compelling to prayer or intercession. I recall sharing that the Lord is faithful to cover. How can we step somewhere He hasn’t led us? Myrna’s words from her mother served as a reminder that He indeed covers; sweet comfort in the midst of great sorrow.

Grief is unquestionably the hardest of all emotions. Astoundingly, a peace and grace so amazing await discovery, tipping the scale. By Sunday evening, I received a called from my Sister Terri. Terri lives not far from Jessie’s wreck site. She shared with me that she had determined to avoid that section of I-10 indefinitely. Yet, after a nap, she woke with an overwhelming compelling to visit the site. As she shared what she and her boyfriend, Bill had witnessed, I felt the Presence and peace of the Lord.

At the site of tragedy, the place that marked our loss and grief, Terri shared:

I saw Jesus!

The face of Jesus, crowned, awaited her arrival.

In the words of a precious friend: “Does not look like a car hit it at all! Looks like an artist skillfully took his time and etched that beautiful picture on that tree!”

Indeed! The Master Designer revealed Himself to all who would have eyes to see His beauty, majesty, and sovereignty right in the midst of tragedy. This image awaits each of us. It beckons us to see Him in the midst of grief.

The process of grief is unique to the individual. While my mom and I had discussed many times that we had peace concerning the outcome of this tragedy, my father and Jessie’s father, Matt were especially struggling. Mom shared my sentiments in that we each longed to simply hand the peace of God to them, beautifully wrapped. We knew, though, that this was Holy Spirit’s job. And so we prayed for confirmation. He knows just what each person needs.

 The following day, Terri and Bill returned to the site for pictures and video that revealed what I had already sensed from that phone call with Terri. Matt’s response to my texts was immediate. I called him and shared the answer; what his heart had needed. We had the best cry, such a release of emotion and gratitude for God’s faithfulness. Matt said, “Your dad needs to see this.” I had already planned to drive to my parents’ home and show them in person. Unsurprisingly, no sooner than I ended that call, my mom texted: ok to stop by?

Um, yes! Perfect timing. I asked Dad the same question: “What do you see?”

Again, we had a good cry as Dad shared that he’d asked the Lord for a sign that morning. Something he had desperately needed. God is so faithful. {Lamentations 3:23}

Days later, Myrna shared a beautiful Word with my family:

The Stump of Jess{i}e

I was listening to a sermon on YouTube and it was based on this scripture in Isaiah, I thought about you all because it has the name Jesse in it and also because it’s purple. {side note: purple is Jesse’s favorite color, the color we wore at his service and also fittingly the primary color of my home church, where Jessie’s service was held}

Then I thought about it more and how it could apply to the current situation. It may seem lifeless and hopeless, like a cut down tree, but from it God can spring forth a branch from the roots of what’s been planted! Agreeing with you to see fruit spring forth from this situation! Jesus was the fruit this scripture refers to, so I’m believing for Jesus to come into the lives of those not yet serving Him.

On one of the hardest days of our lives, I witnessed this beautiful scripture unfold as the House filled with young people for Jessie’s service. The day plays like a movie reel in slow motion. One by one, as many of those young people came forth, we hugged, cried, prayed. I saw the sorrow in their eyes, felt the ache in their hearts. “I’m Jessie’s Nanny,” I shared. “I’ll be your Nanny now.”

So many young people. So much anguish. And yet, we see such a beautiful opportunity before us. Jessie’s life impacted more people than we had known. It continues to ripple.

At the service, a letter in which my mom had been prompted to write, had been printed and copied per the request of Jessie’s Children’s Pastor, Mike Muzzerall, who, along with his wife, Ana, had poured into Jessie’s childhood. Mom’s heart echoed the cry of our families to Jessie’s friends and the young people in our community.

Sunday following Jessie’s service, I had the opportunity to meet Skylar, Jessie’s friend, one of four friends in the wreck. Skylar was the last of the four still hospitalized. Along with Elise, one of Jessie’s close friends and my new ‘niece’, I shared Mom’s heart in that hospital room with a young person still in physical pain and great emotional anguish. With permission from Skylar’s Godfather, Mitch, and confirmation from Skylar as he nestled over, I climbed in that hospital bed. “Skylar, if you refuse grace and peace out of some sense of obligation, if you choose to believe the lie and refuse grace, what are you telling the others? What are you saying to them? If you will accept grace and peace, you will enable those around you to do so.”

The same opportunity is available for each of us. Accept grace or buy the lie. A great opportunity has opened. So many young people {adults as well!} carry great pain. Masked behind their demeanor, their persona, beneath the outbursts and outlandish behavior, lie scars and unhealed wounds marking great pain. They’re just looking for affirmation of worth. Will someone point them to the One in whom their worth is found?!

After Jessie’s service, Ana Muzzerall’s daughter Christina shared with my mom that on the way to the funeral the Holy Spirit showed her a tree that had been cut down but the stump had not been removed. She shared that if you don’t remove the stump in due time the tree that was cut down will actually begin to produce life once again and it will grow back. “Jessie’s roots Run Deep,” she said. Christina shared that in spite of struggle, Jessie’s roots were embedded in Christ . . . and that in due time, because of those roots, great growth will be seen in many areas in the lives of many people.

This is the hope on which we stand; Christ is our anchor. As 2018 has unfolded, those promises before us still stand. While circumstances, trials, and tragedy may appear as hope lost, Truth remains unchanging. Every single thing works for our good according to Romans 8:28. The Lord continues to confirm His Word. This morning, the words of Doug Addison on Elijah List echoed confirmation, resounding Truth of the unstoppable plans of the Lord:

Unless a Seed Falls to the Ground and Dies…

There have been such great injustices that many people have died before their time. God reminded me of an encounter I had last year. This was part of my 50 days of heavenly encounters.

My encounter: On May 11, 2017, I was taken to John 12:24 in my Bible. As I read it, I began to have interactive visions that I cannot describe any other way except the Word came alive.

Jesus said to me out of Scripture, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” (John 12:24)

The Lord was not just speaking to me personally, but this was also to those of you reading this. This is a personal encounter for you with the Lord.

Jesus said, “You have died spiritually and allowed the things that are not of Me to fall away. Because of this, you are now going to produce many seeds in My Kingdom. You have not loved your life and were willing to lose it for My sake. My Father will honor the one who serves Me in this way.”

As Jesus was telling me these things, I suddenly understood John 12:24. Some people on Earth have to die at a certain time so that their seeds will produce many more seeds. Then I saw those who had died before their time.

Many people on Earth who knew and loved those who died did not understand their death, and blamed God. The ones who had died were giving testimonies that their seeds or callings and gifts had to die and fall to the ground to produce more seeds. Even Jesus had to die so we could receive gifts from the Lord.

Then those who had died before their time all began to testify that the Lord’s time is the only time. An angel said, “On Earth these things do not make sense, but in Heaven everything is in time and has a greater purpose.”

Then I saw visions of the people who had died before their time and plans of the Lord…and the plans were cut off. I could hear the voices of some testifying, saying that they could not have done what the Lord called them to do.

Others’ untimely deaths were indeed an injustice and caused God’s justice system to pour out on their family and ministries. Everything was happening with a greater purpose than we could see on Earth. I saw many leaders and ministers – people great and those that were never known – in this group of those who had died before their time.

Books of Purpose Opened

The Lord stood up and said, “It’s now time for their deaths to be reconciled and avenged.” When He said that, I saw that there were books in Heaven that had tracked their lives. I saw the title on the books: The Greater Purposes of The Lord.

Then the books of The Greater Purposes of the Lord were opened. As each book was opened, an audible sound came from it. It was the word of their testimony and the verdict that had come from the Lord.

These audible sounds coming from the books began to increase and it sounded like worship. It also sounded like the wind and voices of angels all mixed. It was hard to describe, as there was nothing on Earth that sounded this way. This new sound began to activate things in Heaven. Angels were being dispatched as a result of this new sound and songs.

Day of Repayment

The Lord said, “Let the greater purposes of Heaven now be released on the Earth for these servants who had untimely deaths.” Suddenly, a bright light came and the Lord began to hurl back to Earth “balls of fire and light” over each untimely death. It was going to people, families, ministries, businesses and cities.

Angels began to blow trumpets and one of them shouted, “Let the days of justice and repayment begin!”

The Lord declared, “I Myself will be a wall of fire around these and I will bring My glory to them” (Zechariah 2:5). The Lord said, “I am going to reveal the injustices of the land and I will not allow those who have suffered unjustly to go unnoticed. My repayment is here and it will come to you in many ways.”

As I was watching, I could see what looked like portals from Heaven to Earth being opened because of the word of the testimony of those who had died before their time. The Lord is avenging injustice and the books in Heaven are being balanced. (End of encounter)

Revelation from my encounter: It is very important for us to understand life and death. Yes, we can grieve and miss those who pass on, but be careful not to get angry with God. There are gifts and callings from those who have gone on before us that are now being offered to us.

Doug Addison

In the darkest nights of the soul, when hope seems lost and despair threatens to choke the life right out of us, beauty can still be seen. The Light of the world shines brightest in the darkest of places, bringing hope, beauty for ashes. Truth is resounding. Lean in just a little and listen. Look closely. Seek Him and you will surely find, He is right there, waiting. Even in tragedy, even in loss, we testify of life. The root of Jess{i}e will bear much fruit.