Joe and I will celebrate our fourteenth anniversary on April 18. Our marriage has been an amazing journey marked with trials and triumphs. I’ve known from the beginning that among the many great qualities Joe possesses he is very patient. But I’ve only come to realize the depth of his patience over the past few years.

As much as I love him I have to admit that I haven’t always shown him the respect he deserves. I thought I did. No, that’s not altogether true. I pretended I did. But countless times I tore him down with my mouth. I’d often brush it off and tell myself that I was only venting to him and scratch my head as to how in the world he would take it personally. But other times there was no denying it and certainly no excusing it. I flat out disrespected him.

Looking back I see how I took advantage of his patience and made light of the weakness that is my temper. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses is vital in this life. But knowing them alone is not enough. If we’re not careful we’ll cradle our vices like they’re an inseparable part of us. The truth is that we are toying with sin when we do this.

I had become quite comfortable with making the most important person in this world to me the scapegoat for every frustration and upset that came my way. Though there were many occasions in which I’d felt he had wronged me and thus, my attitude toward him was justified in my mind, there was never an excuse for my blatant disrespect. Don’t misunderstand me—I’m not implying that we wives don’t have the right to confront or discuss or even effectively argue with our husbands. But this wasn’t the case. The ugly truth is that what proceeded out of my mouth was downright sinful. It wasn’t always what I said but how I said it.

A foolish woman tears her own house down {Proverbs 14:1}.

One day he’d had enough. Several years ago during an all out fight late one night he’d said so. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Those five words were a revelation that left me speechless. Painful truth had exposed me. The following days were a time of reflection and repentance for me. I knew he was right and I knew something had to change. I had to change. I admitted this to Joe and promised things would be different.

I knew  Ephesians 5. I knew what the Lord required of me—submission and respect. With His help I determined to do this. The thing about respect is that we have to choose to show it just as we choose to love. It’s a choice. While respect is in some ways earned it is also required in others. Children are required to respect their parents in the position and authority they hold. Citizens are required to respect law enforcers. And respect is also required of wives. It’s not about whether or not they uphold their position perfectly. Men crave respect. They need it. God made them this way.

I found that the more I submitted to this the easier it became. In times past I’d buck the system over issues from parenting to finances to simple words of advice. But I started listening more carefully when suggestions were made. I became especially attentive to Joe’s wishes, thoughts and opinions even when I didn’t understand or I completely disagreed. My opinions matter to him and be sure that they are heard. But ultimately he is the head of my home and I’ve learned that when I trust God to lead him and choose to submit that He works exceeding abundantly above all that I could ask or think.

Perhaps you’ve struggled with your relationship with your husband. Maybe he’s hurt you deeply. It matters. These things aren’t meant to be disregarded. However, when we choose to disrespect our husbands because they’ve wronged us it’s not only noneffective, it’s damaging. The marital problems multiply. But when we take our hurts to the Lord and choose to obey Him by respecting our husbands we give Him something to work with. If we’re willing and obedient we’ll eat of the good of the land {Isaiah 1:19}.

As I reflect over the past fourteen years I can see the transition that took place when respect became a priority. I’ve learned that some of the issues that I had in the past with my husband were a direct result of my not respecting him for years. I’ve witnessed firsthand the beauty that God brings out of obedience to His Word.

For our upcoming anniversary I’ve decided to order an I RESPECT My Husband t-shirt from Union 28.

I wondered if others would find this prideful or arrogant and I second guessed this decision. After all, I haven’t been a prime example of respect. And now you know this truth. But I’ve made a choice.  Though I’ve faltered and will yet again, I’ve determined to make this a priority—

I choose to RESPECT my husband!