In March of this year I shared my journey in learning to respect my husband in part 1 of R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Today, Joe turns 44. This follow up post is in honor of you, Joe. It’s not a Hallmark card but I think you’ll appreciate it.

What is the #1 thing that turns husbands off?

That’s the question I asked Jay Dee at SexWithinMarriage.com during a teleconference on a Male’s Perspective held by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association this past September. My question was submitted via facebook. I learned later that it took Jay by surprise as he’d had a chance to prepare for questions that had been submitted prior to the teleconference. My question was sent while the conference was in session.

His answer, though I hadn’t anticipated it, was divine confirmation of what the Lord has been teaching me. To sum it up—lack of respect. You can find the answer from Jay’s perspective in more detail here.

Men are wired for respect. They thrive when they’re respected. They shut down when they’re not. I’m sure we’ll all agree that men are also wired for sex. Though the gift of sex is for both the husband and the wife, as a rule, men tend to have stronger sex drives. It should come as no surprise that respect and sex work together, then. Apparently I’m a slow learner.

Ladies, God works through our obedience. Whether we’re dealing with daily frustrations within our marriages or other deeper rooted problems, His requirements do not change.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ~ Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. ~ Colossians 3:18

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; ~ 1 Peter 3:1

I’m high strung emotionally. My life’s story is splattered with emotionally charged responses and outbursts. I’m learning {slowly} to let the Word of God separate my emotions from truth {Hebrews 4:12}. When I succumb to my flesh and give in to emotions, it often translates into disrespect.

Disrespect doesn’t work toward resolving a problem. It parades itself like a spoiled toddler stomping his feet and demanding his way.

When a wife makes a choice to disrepect her husband it often results in the husband shutting down. It flips his sexual switch off. It’s the equiavalent of the wife’s proverbial headache. Certainly, a husband’s lack of interest sexually could be due to other underlying issues. However, if there are unresolved issues within the marriage, problems within the marriage bed are probable. And if there’s disrespect on the wife’s part, it’s sure to translate into a lack of desire sexually on the husband’s part.

Wives, let’s examine ourselves. Is there an air or attitude of disrepect toward your husband? Perhaps you can look back as I have and see patterns in your marriage where this has been true and see, too, the effect it’s had on your marriage bed.

If you want to know what’s sure to turn your husband off, Jay Dee says,

So, if a wife wants her husband to stop asking her for sex, to stop hounding her at night to reconnect physically, then she simply has to disrespect him.  To turn him down for sex constantly, countermand his decisions, flirt with other men in front of him, ignore his leadership, act as if she is the leader of the household, or even that they rule together.

And if you want to turn him on? R-e-s-p-e-c-t!

Respect is sexy! {Yes, I said that!}

I don’t wear the t-shirt every day. I don’t always wear the respect. And I assure you I know the first signs that I’m not.

It’s a choice. Choose respect.

Happy 44th Birthday, Joe! I love you!

{I’m joining The Time Warp Wife and adding this post for Titus 2sdays.}