Insert Grace Here

Pinterest failed me.

Okay, that’s not altogether true. But it did let me down. Friends raved on Facebook about the wonder that is homemade sidewalk paint. “Hours of fun!” they’d boasted along with those pinners on Pinterest. Their glorious pictures enticed me. So I scanned my spice cabinet for food coloring and scooped up the three basic colors of red, yellow, and blue. For a moment I pouted about only having three colors but I quickly realized the yellow and blue make green rule and other color wonder skills I proudly possess. {Moron!}

I grabbed my muffin tin and lined six plastic punch cups left over from my daughter’s bridal shower. Clearly I’m a genius because paint in the cups means less mess! {Moron!} My small can of Clabber Girl corn starch  barely had one cup left. Still, I mixed the solution although I didn’t follow the rule of equal parts because one cup of paint base does not a lot of paint make. It was watery but I didn’t let it deter me. I poured the glorious base in the six plastic cups with pre-measured drops of food coloring. Six to eight drops each, half and half for my glorious color wonder mixes of orange, green, and purple. I even used six plastic spoons so as not to have to worry with rinsing after mixing each color. {Moron!}  I scooped up the glorious homemade paint and gathered the kids. Mid-morning heat demanded that they paint in the garage. Grabbing a sponge brush, I showed them how to paint and the creativity began.

While they painted their masterpieces and squabbled because the three-year-old continually splattered paint on them and couldn’t remember to rinse his brush in the bucket of water before changing colors, I followed a bright idea back inside. The cornstarch mixture was too thin but I recalled while skimming those pins the word flour. Yes, flour! I have lots of flour and this time I’ll make thicker paint and put it in my picnic squeeze bottles for mustard and ketchup just like those people on Pinterest. Visions of Mommy of the Year, Nanny {grandmother} of the year, and Nanny {sitter} of the year danced in my head. {Moron!}

While I mixed a way too thick flour and water mixture in my Pyrex measuring cup and poured it into the squeeze bottles with red and yellow food coloring because—Hello! They’re mustard and ketchup bottles!—my 21 year old bride-to-be came home and questioned my leaving the kids in the garage with the garage door shut. I tried to understand but she kept talking about the danger of them being in there with the car. {Pinterest never told me this. But I’ll bet at least one person will follow up on this blog post about it.} Never mind anyway, because I was going back out there with loaded squeeze bottles of glorious fun. Hours, even. With the garage door open, mind you. The kids were delighted to squirt the puffier looking paint and outline their painted on artwork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In less than one half hour’s time they were about finished and I was too. I cleaned the messy sponge paint brushes and didn’t even mind the paint that made it out of those plastic cups onto the muffin tin after all. And then later that day I boasted their pics with a simple modest title of: Homemade Sidewalk Paint on Facebook.

I didn’t mind the smiles the artwork brought to all who happened by, even if I did have to point it out to some of them. I asked my husband that evening if he’d noticed the art display he’d just parked over and quickly assured him it was just homemade sidewalk paint.

And then the next day came.

My daughter’s best friend had not yet had the pleasure of the glorious experience of homemade sidewalk paint so I promised a new batch and started early before the sun threatened to suck our joy. This time I wouldn’t bother with those plastic cups. I poured six to eight drops of food coloring in six of the muffin tin’s cups. I had noticed the outside of my Pyrex measuring cup felt funny and realized I didn’t get all the paint base off the day before. Hunh. Doesn’t flour and water make homemade glue? I thought as I mixed each color of paint. The thought was quickly replaced with what glorious colors I might make for those two squeeze bottles. Never mind matching red and yellow! What about a turquoise and pink? Yes! That’s what I’ll do.

Before long four kids were following me outside to a designated new area on the driveway. This time I used those left over plastic punch cups for individual rinsing cups. Maybe that would help the three-year-old remember not to mix paint colors. The temperature was rising, one kid suggested shade, and it occurred to me that I might need to wash the garage slate clean of yesterday’s masterpieces. I donned my rain boots and armed myself with the hose. The nozzle fits poorly and I dodged sprays from its leaky connection. As the cornstarch paint mixture sprayed away, it left behind the puffy flour paint mixture and my bright idea suddenly changed to a very bright light in my head. {Moron!}

Glue! The paint had dried like glue. Flour and water make homemade glue. I couldn’t tell you the ratio but I can sure mix it. Flour and water make lots of things. Like roux. And also glue. Homemade sidewalk paint glue. If only I’d listened to that thought that ran through my mind! That thought! Of elementary school projects and running out of paste and moms coming to the rescue with homemade glue. That thought, buried deep beneath the pop culture of the 80’s. Useless information! {Moron!}

  In a panic I grabbed my car wash brush and used all the elbow grease I could find but that paint glue wasn’t budging. My neighbor friend called and I shared my dilemma while grabbing my Dawn and Clorox Bleach. This party was shutting down quickly. I informed the kids of my blunder and warned them to paint quickly.

“Boil some water,” my friend suggested and I quickly did so.

The kids and their messy hands and wet feet ended their minutes of summer fun and went inside tracking water. Meanwhile I frantically scrubbed the messy paint glue, dashing from the day old mess in the garage to the newly made mess on the driveway that was already baking in the sun. The kids were curious.

“DO NOT COME OUT HERE! There is BLEACH in the garage! Do NOT walk in the garage with those bare feet!”

Little eyes peeked outside and little voices called, “What are you DOOOO-INNNGG?”

Are they kidding?! Clearly this is not FUN! This is WORK! Hours of summer work! I worked until the water boiled and then carefully poured it over the stuck on mess. I grabbed my hose and got soaked again by the leaky nozzle. The hose water is almost always hot as is our water hooked to our washing machine. This is a mystery I am currently trying to solve as I do not wish to have my dark colored clothing washed in cold water that is really in between warm and hot. Yet at that moment in my garage my water hose chose to blast cold water. Cold water, right over the mess that I had just poured boiled water over. Nice.

It was then that I had an epiphany. Only I had really known this all along. Pinterest is deceiving.

That’s not really it. The house needs pressure washing and so does the driveway. That was it. Look up prices on pressure washing because my man works too hard and should not have to pressure wash that paint glue mess! No ma’am. HE so shouldn’t! I’ll just need to get prices on pressure washing.

That wasn’t it either. Read the fine print. That was it. Always read the fine print. Because the word flour thrown around pins with pictures of kids having the time of their lives and beautiful chalk like masterpieces snapped with just the right amount of light do not mix. They do not. There is clearly more to the story, more to the pins and the pictures. Read the fine print.

But this is the real epiphany: This weekend I’m going to the dollar store or maybe even the Walmart and I am buying sidewalk chalk. I’m buying the biggest thing of sidewalk chalk I can find. And then I’m taking snapshots of the glorious masterpieces that will be made by my youngest daughter and my grandson and any other kids who dare to join them. I’m using my iPhone and my poor photog skills and posting those pics all over the social media with this caption: Hours of Old School Fun! No catch. No fine print. Just chalk.

And while they make sidewalk chalk art, I’m kicking back and browsing the Pinterest. I’ll try not to smirk at those newly pinned finds of Hours of Summer Fun. Because I’m no moron!  I know what hours of summer fun really is! Nap time.