Insert Grace Here

In continuation of my previous post…  Are you His little girl?

Sometimes I feel like a little girl trapped in a woman’s body.  I flew through life so quickly, never pausing to hear the music of my wings in the air.  I failed to capture life’s milestones in each moment.  I toiled through each new season never realizing I didn’t have to—let alone the fact that I was never meant to.

How can I possibly reflect when I became a woman and how each chapter poses questions that I may not be able to answer.  How can I expect the respect or understanding of others through this process, when “I” cannot bear to understand them?

I feel the constant pressure to measure up, not only to my husband and others, but to myself.  The ways are countless as are my many sins and failures.  The shame so confounding—stronger than my many walls.

I have found my words in so much of the dialog, It’s almost embarrassing to note how young I am in this area.

After all, I am to be so far removed from this place!  (Then I ask myself, “Am I?”)  This uncertainty is the clear work of the enemy.  However there are times when all you hear is the noisome pestilence.

As I’ve cried and others have helped turn on the light of His truth, this book has done the same.  Who knows what dreams may come and where grace may lead.

Looking back, oh how I do resonate with feeling like victory is reserved for those greater than I.  Though I know better, I have to remind myself that I am indeed fearfully and wonderfully made—His princess!  To be romanced is an understatement!  Does not the prince seek after his princess, as our King His warrior bride?

This is something I’ve never truly experienced.  In the manner that I have struggled to receive, this is where I am reminded, “I am worthy!”  The idea of being needed, desired, sought after appeals to us all in many ways.  For me, part of this journey is to truly find those desires deep within my heart.

I want to accept them, embrace them, release them, and express them.  I want to express them as I am created to do, seeing my beauty through His eyes.

I have used my femininity in all the wrong ways, for all the wrong reasons, only to find my true hearts desires were created as His.  Though He created me to be passionate, I’ve never really felt pursued.  Instead, I flew, I lunged into the physical, hiding behind insecurity and fear.

To this day I find it hard expressing myself without feeling invalidated.  All I’ve ever wanted was the loving pursuit and embrace my Savior alone offers me—causing me to feel this is the only place I will find myself as captivating—as outlined in this book.

Of course I long to draw out the strength of a man and be the passion of His desire.  Of course my heart wants more—but most of all, I want to be more—to give more.

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