Did you grow up in a home where one or both of your parents talked with you about sex? Were you raised in a Christian home where the topic was discussed according to Biblical principles? Were you encouraged to openly discuss anything with your parents? Or did they shy away from the topic?

Did you glean from the so-called advice of your peers in high school, junior high school, or even {*shudder*} elementary school? Did you turn to movies, books, magazines, or the internet for sex education?

Did you find yourself in awkward conversation with one or more parents way past the needed time after you gleaned from the above media or your friends? Was the advice centered on consequences like premarital pregnancy or STD s?

Who talked to you about sex?

Maybe your parents are part of a generation of people who labeled sex a taboo topic. Or perhaps you are among a generation of people being taught that sex is not taboo, but is without boundaries—no holds barred.

We live in a time where protecting our children from sex painted media is becoming increasingly more difficult. No limitations, no boundaries. Yet we, even in the church, are failing to speak truth. We shake our heads and grieve over the news of pregnant teens. But what about innocence lost?

It’s not enough to inform our children of the consequences of premarital sex. All sin has consequences. Our Creator made a beautiful, divine plan thousands of years ago. Within the confines of man and wife, sex is to be enjoyed and celebrated. Like all boundaries, keeping within the confines of marriage results in protection. But when we use the possibility of pregnancy or disease as our means of motivating young people, we fall short.

There are tremendous benefits to remaining pure to your future spouse. And although the difficulty of doing so in today’s society is growing rapidly, it is still possible.

Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. ~ 2 Timothy 2:22

Flee.

Hormones don’t know the difference between a christian and a non-christian. Our young people need to understand that it’s important to not set themselves up. But they also need to know why. What is it they’re protecting? And why is it so secretive to some? Why do others insist that it’s something that should be without restraint? And how do they protect it? The power of God and the Word of God are still enough. Will we support them too? Will we help set up an environment where they can spend time together with other young people? Are we willing to make ourselves available?

If a man is going to insist on protecting his daughter at all costs with shotgun in hand when a guy comes calling, shouldn’t he teach her why? Or how? Because shotguns aren’t proven forms of birth control.

If a man is going to attempt to protect his daughter with shotgun in hand, should he not hold the same standard for his son? Men, why would you go to extreme measures to prove your daughter is “off limits”, yet pound your chest with a “boys will be boys” grin over your son? When the son has to look you in the eye and tell you he’s going to be a father, will you still be chest pounding proud? Will he face your wrath along with the wrath of the girl’s parents?

Teen pregnancy is the norm. HIV cases are on the rise. We have messed up marriages within the church and without. Married couples are struggling with pornography issues and sex addictions as well as the opposite extreme of denial of or complete absence of sexual intimacy. When news of an affair within the church is noised abroad, we tsk tsk and shake our heads.

We should be grieved over sin. We should set a higher standard within our homes and we should raise our expectations. But we have to open up. We have to talk about it.

The Word of God doesn’t fail. It’s one thing to say we’re being realistic. But as a Believer in Christ, to say that it’s not possible for a person to remain sexually pure is to set them up to fail. I will not accept the, “let’s just face it. It’s going to happen!” mindset regarding young people and sexual purity. I challenge the church to rise up in support of our young people as well as marriage as a whole.

Is it the church’s right or place to discuss this topic? Absolutely! If we, the people of God, are not able to discuss this within the right settings—there’s something terribly wrong!

There are resources out there today. First and foremost we have the Word of God and, therefore, are without excuse.

Pastor Matt Williams’ book Eden Derailed, a theology of sex, is an excellent tool for the church for married couples as well as young adults and college students. You can read my review here.

Sheila Wray Gregoire has numerous resources that can be found on her blog at toloverhonorandvacuum.com including her latest book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex that you can review here. This book is an amazing resource covering everything regarding sex. It’s a great gift for a bride to be and a must have for your daughters.

Parents, let’s talk about this with our children. Let’s seek the Creator of sex for His wisdom and the grace to get past the taboo. Let’s create an environment for our young people to come to us without fear of embarrassment or shame.

And let’s realize that if we are going to educate our children, we need to deal with the issues in our own marriages.

So tell me, Church, where do we go to deal with these issues? Are you ready to talk about them? Are you willing to listen and pray even if you don’t have all the answers? Will you show compassion and not have an insert easy answer and Scripture here mentality? Are you willing to take time with your members to counsel them in order for healing to take place?

And are you willing to start talking about this before the problems arise? Isn’t in depth teaching and counseling on this topic better for pre-marital counseling for a couple than sitting down years later with the same couple and counseling due to an affair or issue like pornography?

Sin does have consequences. We need to take responsibility for our actions and teach our young people the same. We need to talk about sex. We need to grieve innocence lost. And we need to change our approach.

Because using consequences of sex as a form of manipulating our young people is equivalent to only preaching hell fire and brimstone to the lost. Just as knowing the Savior and His grace is more effective in reaching the lost than teaching them to fear hell, so is the beauty of the awesome gift of sex saved for a man and wife more effective in teaching young people to remain pure than fear of an STD or pregnancy.