Insert Grace Here

…And my name is not Mary Magdalene

• The following is an excerpt from my personal notes on the book Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge, beginning with chapter 7 and forward.  You will find a continuation of these notes here along with those from various other books that have touched my heart.  I hope you will be blessed as you come to see yourself as the woman your Savior has created you to be.

Though my experiences are a far cry from the details of the many stories listed, my heart relates to the same pain in every way.  Not only have I embraced or walked through this rejection, I have certainly responded in the same, very wrong, fearful ways—as a little girl, lost, alone, & confused.

This excuses none of my behavior, only helps to understand it.

In this chapter I see myself as the hummingbird (or sparrow), flying quickly through what seems to be an open door or passage way, only to find myself bound and deceived.  Flying around in circles and crashing into the mirrors of what is a beautiful world on the other side.  As fear grips, my freedom uncertain, I continue to try to find my way.  The Savior comes, I fear His hand, leaving me to continue in my turmoil.  The fear inside so torments that I unwittingly crash and fall—finding myself in His healing hands once again.

I find my struggle to be with the fears and fightings within.  This is the deepest place I have ever been and I know I must trust Him as He offers healing and deliverance as listed in Is. 61:1,2 (NLT)

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.  He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’S favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.

I know He will come for me.  My struggle is with my role and where I may fail again.  As I continue in this time of prayer and fasting, I long to come out on the other side.  I know He’s there.  I know He’s here to bring me through.  The question is with what He wants me to do.  This is where I must learn to replace fear and rest in faith that my Creator, not only can, but will, keep me and what I’ve committed to Him. (2 Tim. 1:12)

He will finish His work in me, as I know deep down there’s much work to be done through me.

Until such a time, I rest each breath in His grace and the hope of His promise.  He will bring us through.  My husband, my family, my friends, and I, we, will wait—sowing little seeds for a future harvest—one breath at a time.

I have hid behind my own fears, my own lies, creating a false image of myself and who I’d rather be.  Today I continue this journey finding myself and who He says I am.  He says, I am captivating!

With His peace,

Visit Ginger’s blog @ heresmycuplord.wordpress.com.

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